First off I want to thank Sabretooth for giving me space on her page to rant about whatever. Second I don't know what to call the column yet, if you have any ideas feel free to email me at harleykins@juno.com.
IF THIS COLUMN HAD A NAME IT WOULD GO HERE
"Signs, signs everywhere there's signs blocking up the scenery breaking my mind..."
From some obscure 60's band
BAD SIGNS AND THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE THEM
I'll just be writing about whatever I feel like writing about from week to week. This week's topic, if you haven't guessed by now, is signs.
Wrestling audiences around the globe choose to express themselves with signs. From Bob (Bob is being used as a generic name, I have nothing against anyone named Bob) is Gay, to elaborately detailed drawings of the Rock, to Bob (again I don't favor Bob either) 3:16, there are always thousands of signs being held up at any given moment, but how many of these signs are actually good, clever, unique, funny? I'll tell you, not nearly enough.
The past year or so I've started to really pay attention to the signs. I've discovered maybe if it's a good night you may have 1 out of 500 that are actually any good. Does that mean only 20 people out of an audience of 10000 have any creativity? Or does it mean 9980 people are too lazy to think of anything interesting to say? Or does it mean people in general are boring? How pathetic does that make me to sit around and wonder what it all means? Pretty damn pathetic, but we're talking about wrestling signs tonight, not how the most exciting thing to happen to me is when one of the kids or the husband picks something up after themselves. (ok that's more a fantasy than anything that would really happen)
I've mulled the reason why there are so many bad signs over and over in my mind. I think I've come up with an answer. People in general want to fit in, be accepted. They don't want to rock the boat or be politically incorrect. They want to do what is right, what is expected of them. Has our society truly deteriorated so much that we no longer know how to be different? Or has society always been that way? Did Abe Licoln say "I can't free the slaves because it might upset everyone and start a war"? Did Rosie O'Donnell say "I better keep my mouth shut about my views on gun control or else the NRA might put a hit out on me"? Did Larry Flint say "if I publish a magazine with soft porn it will, it will cause all the tight ass politicians to get an erection, thus making them feel the need to deny their sexuality and sue my ass"? I think not.
Who's dumb ass idea was it to be "policitally correct" anyways? Who deep down agrees with those views? Come on we all still find midgets funny. Midget+clown makeup=funny. Midget+
Donkey=funny. Midget+tutu=funny. So why can't we put a little of what we find funny in the signs we hold up at wrestling events? A little effort can transform a bad sign into a funny sign. For instance if you're holding up a "Bob is gay" sign have your friend next to you hold up one that says "Bob" with an arrow pointing down. See easy and oh so satisfying. Or if you have a beutifully hand drawn picture of The Rock add Vinny Mac bending over in front of him, bare ass in the air and Rock driving his manhood home. See funny.
There are so many creative ways of sign usage. So before you set out to the arena for that WWF event take some time with that same old lame sign to see if perhaps you can come up something a little more interesting. If not I can't fault you for not having an imagination, it doesn't come easy to everyone, but if you can isn't it worth exploring that side of you? If you need some ideas here's a few of my own. "Will Job for food", or how about cards with numbers such as 4.5, 5.0, etc., like they do at the Olympics to rate a match. Or when Chyna does her gymnastics routine. Or how about one that says "I had nightmares after reading The Lymey Bastard's dream column" (For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about head over to www.wrestlingsucks.com, and for Robert I couldn't help plugging someone who's not afraid to piss people off).
Till the next time, unless I'm having my ass sued by Vinny Mac.
This was a yet unnamed column by me:
TM Dunckel
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